Bz

你心裡理想情人是幾分

是否也會有我的份

I am quite overwhelmed the upcoming few months. I just want to list them out so I can pace myself.

1. 4 July Starting my KTPH posting in a very important and busy team, hence need to work hard and study Ortho content as well

2. 5-9 July Overseas oral podium presentation

3. 8 July- 8 Aug Pesta Sukan, playing in 2 categories. I need to train 1-2x/week

4. 23 Aug MRCS Part B in Kuching. I need to study hard and fight for leave and book my tickets and accoms.

5. Early Sept CCK CC invitational cup. I need to train 1-2x/week

6. Writing 3 papers now, 1 of which is still in data collection stage

7. Trying to publish all 3 papers by Sept before residency application cycle starts again

8. 23-25 Nov Aiming for oral presentation at SOA

9. Need to get all the above done concurrently within such a short period of time, yet need to go on call 5-6x/month

10. I think about all the above I tired already

Will I really be able to work hard +++ and achieve all the above? I think the hardest I've ever worked was during JC to build my portfolio to get into med sch. After that, in med sch I just lepak and enjoy my life playing so many sports and picking up dance etc and making new friends. I really did enjoy life. Looks like it is time to strive hard in life again!!! I CAN DO THIS

一萬個秘密正在心底腐爛

今天的你是幸福還是孤單?

Unfortunately this is very bad timing. Very bad emotional and mental state to be in during these upcoming important 3 months of my life. But this should not be an excuse for people to take pity on me and stay just to tide me through because that would be even more cruel. And unfair. To me. I do not need pity and I do not need fixing. I do not need sympathy nor empathy. That would be looking down on me. I am really ok. It will be ok :)

It's ok

I'm ok

I hope you're ok

It is what it is

This too shall pass :')

Reminder to self: Humans start out alone and may end up alone anyway. It is not abnormal. Learn to embrace it.

我只是個陪伴者

是什麼讓我們遇見的 是什麼讓距離更近了

不奢求你多好 給我多一點微笑

你只是一個過客 從我的世界路過

我不敢太多不捨 怕你看出我難過

也許我想的太多 卻不能給你什麼

努力把傷心變少 笑容變多就好了

Why am I feeling so vulnerable and emotional? This is so unlike me.

Anyway, life's gonna be tough from now till December. Jiayou SS you are stronger and better than you think you are. This too shall pass :)

All I want

One step forward but two steps back

Two steps forward and one step back

Are we back at square one?

Look around, what has changed?

Everything moves so fast, yet all I was shown were still images

如果難過也不要忘了我

你當時特別的可愛但能不能靠近點

你不說真心話你讓我怎麼為你大冒險

Updates, or uptodate?

Life has been a lil' more chill in May. June will be the month everything slowly starts stepping up and I start getting busier. July will be real busy especially with the posting change and new environment. Good lord I sure hope I won't get lost in my new hospital. August will be the month I hope I don't lose money LOL inside joke. September will then be the period my mental wellbeing falls into shambles. Then life will get better from October onwards :)

Chin up

I'm not a princess

This ain't a fairytale

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet

Lead her up the stairwell

I will sweep myself off my own feet broskis

Fuck this shit

Bring me back to JC and Uni days seriously. When we were all still teenagers with not much care nor responsibilities. When we don't need to think too much. We were all so young and attractive with so much hopes and dreams for the world. Adulting is tough. I think I am slowly withering away. My personality type has changed quite a bit as well. Almost complete opposite to when I took it during JC. Once again I am right, change is the only constant. I am frustrated and exasperated. At myself and generally at what I've become and the way I am behaving. I miss my passionate drive, enthusiasm, optimism, broad-mindedness and just that bright attractive spark I had. I also miss the efforts I used to put in in the past to be a nicer person. I think I have become more cautious and vulnerable in this unpredictable world full of adults. Maybe I need to draw some distance between me and the world and keep to myself for a bit.

Fuck this shit