That's what they always say.
To be honest I don't think I have many close friends (which was what I wanted anyway bc I hate making friends). I'm always the blunt and straightforward friend (sometimes deemed as insensitive) but I honestly believe in pragmatism. I don't believe in honeycomb words and neither do I believe in beautiful lies. I believe that's why most of my friends only come and confide in me when they are in seriously deep shit/facing the turning point in their life; beacause I'm kinda sure that I can give absolutely logical advices when it comes to surviving in this harsh liberalised world where lies are floating around freely from disgusting mouths of unscrupulous people. Ok maybe my previous sentence was too harsh LOL I wasn't referring to anyone in particular though. I was just thinking about the whole society in general where many people are willing to pull you down just to scale their own ladder, especially when we emerge as freshgrads into our working world.
I may not be all THAT sensitive to small little things for the time being (ironically I actually like people who believe in "it's the small things which count") but I can promise you that I will give u my honest opinions no matter whether it's what you wanna hear or not. Bam, I can let the truth hit you like a wreckingball. Maybe that's why my friends shun me when they are stressed out or sad; bc I'll tell them realistic things which they don't wanna hear/know HAHAHA I should stop pouring cold water on people and start to care for people's feelings. Actually I do (surprisingly, it may seem) know about many little things happening around me to/within my friends. I'm not oblivious. Not at all. I'm actually quite observant. I know things, but I don't say them. What for? Why highlight and reinforce the unhappiness when I can't help them? What I always tell myself to refrain me from showing my awareness of the situation is "Be sad, go ahead and cry if you want, but learn from your mistakes/problems by yourself and move on. No one will be there for you every single time. That's how you learn."
Ahh damn, I always express my opinions so well when I speak and when I blog. But somehow I can never bring them into my GP writing. Why? Is it because I'm scared of my opinions being judged by people -strangers, markers, teachers- for having bad opinions? Half the times my opinion differs from the general consensus/what is socially/morally right. But, I'm puzzled and disappointed. Does that make my opinion wrong? I didn't know opinions even have right or wrong answers. Why do I still hold on to my 'opinions' when they are 'wrong' since they are marked down? Sighpie.
Some times (ok maybe many a times) I feel like giving up. No one really pays attention to me bc I don't show my sad emotions easily. I don't actually mind though, and tbh I don't really care bc these negative emotions are so insignificant to me and I'll brush them off myself in no time at all. But still, it would feel nice if someone shows me concern at the right time - when I'm wallowing in my insignificant and unnecessary sadness deep inside. I've been independent for far too long. All I do to help myself is hold korkor's hand at night before we sleep and ask him "Korkor, now how? I don't think I'll be able to make it afterall....."
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Nonetheless, I'm still the cheerful and realistic me. While the optimist and pessimist were arguing about who is right (to be happy or sad), the opportunist (me) kicked them both in the ass and had a good laugh HAHAHA.
