BPGHS sucks. Training sucks. Coach sucks. Volleyball sucks. I want to just fucking quit vball la. I hate running. I hate trying my best. I only like to train with the ball, I hate physical training, stamina training and whatever fuck that relates to those. Sometimes i do wonder. What's my best? Did i really try my best? Perhaps so, perhaps not, who fucking knows? Well, I think I do know.
I know that I don't know whether what I know is correct or not. I know that people expect too much from me. I know that I'm not that great/good that people expect/think of me to be. I know that I don't like to expect a lot from myself. I know that I suck. I know that I don't like to force myself. I know that I don't like giving "my best". I know that I don't know what's counted "my best". I know that if even I don't know, what makes people think they know?!
I think that I expect too little from myself. I think that maybe I really think too little of myself. I think that maybe I can be as good/great as people see think of me to be. I think that I maybe really aren't trying hard enough. I think that maybe I will try to give my very best in everything. I think that maybe other people even understand me more then I understand myself. I think that other people can see something in me that I can't see. I think that I look down on myself too much and I need to change my way of thinking.
I find it puzzling that typing out what I feel can help me solve my problems, my way of thinking, my decision. But it really did work o.o. I'm going to cheer myself on *takes pompom and shake butt*. Yay I can do it. I'm going to motivate myself, encourage myself. I won't give up. I will carry on training, I won't quit just like that. ss, fighting! ok lame, i know.
Happy December! (In no order of ranking) I ♥ my brother, zuqi, fenny, sijia, gwen, weixin, xiaolei, huiying, simxinyi, weiqi, jacinth.
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